Dear Oblivious,

Searching this rack for a belt here at Target, I can't help but notice you are shirtless. How can this be? Well it seems you've found a few shirts you'd like to purchase, and like any smart shopper you want to be sure they fit before pulling the trigger. It all went wrong when you decided that rather find a fitting room, you're going to do this right. fucking. here.

New to public spaces, are we? Absent from school the week they went over basic etiquette and decorum? Not aware that there are fittings rooms constructed and designed specifically for this purpose? Is the thirty-foot walk to the fitting room too far? Are you hoping that someone scouting for the cast of the next Magic Mike movie is shopping here? While there are indeed a few people in this world I'd like to see with no shirt on, I assure you, you aren't one of them.

Call me crazy, but I like to think I'm the only one to have ever put on the clothes I'm buying. Perhaps a tad unrealistic I know, but still, this notion comforts me. Having now had the benefit of seeing you stuff your Axe-laden, sweaty figure into that shirt, not only am I now not in the mood to shop for clothes, I want to Febreze my eyeballs and memory.

Do us all a favor next time: have a little decorum and use the fucking fitting room.

Sincerely,

The Clothed People Around You


P.S. "XS" means extra small, not extra sexy. Try picking something that fits, asshole.